The home stretch...

What a hectic summer it has been. We are now getting close to 36 weeks, at which time it will be safe for us to have the home birth, and I must say that Hosanna and I will both be so happy to get there. The past few weeks have been a long, hard path. From the emotional aftermath of losing our cat, to the fact that this pregnancy has been much harder on Hosanna than the previous one, to the absolutely horrid weather we have had recently (e.g. a week of 105+ degrees while the sky was filled with smoke from the Butte County forest fire), to the fact that the transmission went out on one of our cars... I could go on here but I guess the point is made.

My mom once told me that the biggest thing she learned during her pregnancy with me was that she had to ask for help - she couldn't do everything herself. I have had a pretty hard time learning that lesson myself. I have been killing myself trying to be superdad - trying to take care of Hosanna, trying to take care of Aria, trying to keep up with work... all the while not taking care of myself as I should. The second pregnancy is just crazy that way. During the first pregnancy, we had all the time in the world to reflect on how our lives were going to change. This time, I feel like I have scarcely had ten minutes to myself in months. I know that's not literally true, but it's what it feels like.

I've also had a really tough time becoming emotionally connected to this pregnancy and to our new baby. I think this has been because I am just so scared of something happening to the baby after it is born, like what happened with Aria. The experience of having to take her away from Hosanna and rush her to the NICU immediately after she was born is something that really hit me hard. That, and the similar (though much worse) experience my sister had with her second chlid, have had me very scared about what is going to happen at this birth. Well-meaning family and friends have intensified this feeling in me by expressing their concern about the home birth. Statistics show that home birth is actually generally safer than hospital birth, but because it's just not the normal way of doing things in America, people are understandably uncomfortable.

So needless to say, Hosanna and I have been grappling with a lot of issues over the past few weeks, and I won't sugar coat it: it's been really tough. With all that said, though, I am incredibly grateful right now for several things: we have our health; we have an amazing family, particularly my mother in law who has been such a tremendous support that I have no idea what we would have done without her; I have an incredible daughter who every day is reaching new highs and teaching me new things; and I am somehow lucky enough to be married to one of the strongest, most passionate, most incredible women on the big blue earth, who I love more than I ever imagined I could love someone.