#2 is on the way

Yes, it is true... Hosanna is pregnant again.* :) Our next child is due in late August. Another summer baby. Quite possibly, another Virgo too.

We found out on December 13th, the day that Penelope Mayer was born. When I got up to go to work, I had a message on my cell phone from Doug - he had texted us at about 4 a.m. with their good news. So I rushed upstairs to wake Hosie up and tell her. I remember she was mildly grumpy at first when I woke her up, but then she got excited when I told her about little Penelope.

I ate breakfast and went on my way to work as usual. Just as I was pulling in to my parking spot outside the office, my cell phone rang. Hosie had just taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. :) I sat in the car and stared into space for a while. Then I went inside and started a hectic day. Every ten minutes or so, the thought that I was going to be the father of another one startled me. Then I would get drowned in my work again.

We were giddy about it for the first day. Then, both of us experienced a couple weeks of sheer and utter panic. Well, I'll be truthful, my panic lasted probably more like a month. Very different from the way I felt before Aria was born. Then, I had no idea what I was getting into. Now, I knew exactly what was coming: the months without sleep, the late night feedings, the rocking the baby to sleep for hours on end, and so on. I am not exaggerating to say that I was completely, absolutely terrified in the first weeks of this pregnancy.

Of course, eventually, it started dawning on me that there were other things ahead that I knew exactly what to expect that got me really excited: Holding the little one up against my chest. Hearing its first words. Finding out whether it is a boy or a girl (we're waiting until its born). Seeing it smile. Seeing it learn to crawl/walk. And this time, it will be even cooler because Aria will be there to share in it too. So, yeah, I've been getting more excited about it, when I have a few moments to rest and reflect (which hasn't been often).

Hosanna's morning sickness came pretty early on this time, and it seemed to be worse than last time. And, of course, this time around Hosanna is with Aria all day instead of getting to rest. So she is very, very tired all the time, and feeling sick. It's been tough watching her go through it. And of course, I have been having to step up and take on much more of the load, e.g. making more dinners, doing more bedtimes, etc - all during a time when my job is on a stressful wave again. So it's been a little bit tough the past few weeks.

So the big decision this time around is that we're going to have a home birth with midwives. Neither of us wanted a hospital birth - it's just not the environment we believe is a place for healthy people to go (after all, you aren't sick when you are having a baby) - but we weren't totally satisfied with our experience at the birth center, either. The idea of having our next child in the warmth and comfort of our own home just really appeals to us. After researching it extensively we are convinced that it is as safe (if not more) as a hospital birth, and it gives us much more flexibility in choosing our style of care.

We selected a team of midwives after interviewing two different ones who were recommended to us by other mothers who have had home births. They offer a full range of care options, from traditional western techniques like ultrasound, doppler, and whatever medicines we might want to use, to all the homeopathic choices that you might think of when you hear the word "midwife." Their philosophy is to give the parents the whole range of information and then let them choose their care. Which is exactly what a good doctor should do.

Hosanna had her first appointment with them on Tuesday. We heard the new baby's heart beat - and just like the first time I heard Aria's heart beat, it completely took my breath away. 144 beats per minute - like a little hummingbird, going flub flub flub flub flub. Hosanna's tummy is barely showing, but yet there it is, a tiny little human floating around in there, with a heart that beats. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

Through all of this, Aria has grown enormously on every front. She continues to amaze me anew every day. We're collecting a range of funny quotes that she's come up with, e.g. "Ohh, I farted all over the bed!" or "I haven't seen food in a while!" She can count to thirty, arrange her alphabet blocks into the alphabet, recognizes the written words "Aria", "Mommy", "Daddy" and "Nana", and is even starting to come up with some abstract concepts. For example, this morning when she woke up, I had just been having a dream about her. Hosanna brought her into the bed where I was, and I said "I was just having a dream about you." She thought about it for a second, then said "Oh! What was in your dream?"

So, needless to say, I am still hopelessly in love with my little girl, still madly in love with my wife, and still a tumult of conflicting emotions about becoming a father twice over.

So this entry was a lot of words. Next one will have lots of pictures, I promise. Things I need to put up here include the visit to Lisa & Jason's from last month, the bike ride I took with a bunch of Santa Rosa friends a couple weeks ago, and various degrees of Aria cuteness. It's just been tough to get on the blog lately because I've been very, very, very busy. :(

(* Notice I did not say that "we" are pregnant again. Because, dammit, I'm not the one over there throwing up. I'm not the one who can't drink alcohol or caffeine anymore, not the one who gets tired ten minutes after waking up, not the one who will eventually be passing something the size of a small bowling ball between my legs. Yes, we are the parents, yes I am doing everything I can to take care of my family, but Hosanna is the pregnant one, not me, not "us".)