8th grade graduation

Aria is graduating 8th grade in the next week or so and I couldn't be prouder of her. She's becoming quite the young woman. She just gave her 8th grade presentation over Zoom tonight (covid having completely turned school upside down for the time being). For her presentation she demonstrated how to use the loop station and sang a cover of Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish. She completely killed it.

Some pics of her from the past year:

Life after divorce

Guess I'll start with the obvious. In late 2016, we filed for divorce. It was quite sudden and surprising for me and I didn't want it, but that's the way it goes sometimes, I guess. That's all I really feel comfortable saying about it publicly.

So 2016 is what we call The Worst Year around here. So much change happened all at once: the marriage fell apart, we sold our house and moved into separate rentals, I got a new job, and because those weren't enough, I got diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder. And then motherfucking Donald Trump got elected. It was basically like 2016 was a giant fist and I was one of those bouncing punching bags and 2016 just kept hitting me full force until finally I was just knocked out, flat on the ground, hoping to god I never had to get up again.

The kids didn't really understand why we were splitting up, and to be honest, I don't blame them, because it's damn near impossible to explain adult level shit to kids sometimes. I don't know whether we did well at it or not, but I count it as a win that everybody stayed alive and fed and clothed during those times because I was such a mess that most days I could barely stand up on my own two feet.

Somewhere in there I found a brilliant therapist, who referred me to a top notch psychiatrist, and I'm pretty sure that's why I'm alive today. I'm not trying to be glib. I have struggled with severe depression for all my adult life and pretty much the only thing keeping it in check was having a predictable life. When life fell apart grief and depression mingled and became an epic nightmare. What saved my ass was therapy and medication. It wasn't exactly a cakewalk, but it was much better than the alternative.

2017 crawled around, and the best way I can characterize it is that if 2016 was like getting knocked out, 2017 was like waking up on the ground and trying to figure out how the hell I got there. Not even trying to get up, not trying to move at all, just trying to understand what the bloody fucking hell just happened. Also, trying different ways to forget about it. Spoiler: nothing worked.

During that year one important thing happened though, which is we got the kids into the routine of going back and forth between houses, and we dialed in to a schedule that worked for all of us. We began a 2-2-5-5 routine. Like this: kids at my house Monday/Tuesday, kids at their mom's Wednesday/Thursday, then at my house Friday-Tuesday, then at mom's Wednesday-Sunday. Repeat ad nauseum. We still use that schedule today.

We meant to put them in public school that year but we missed all the deadlines and none of us was really ready for it anyway. So they stayed home schooled until 2018.

Another important thing that happened in 2017 (or maybe in 2016?) is that I found a mental health support group. At first I was pretty unsure about the whole thing, but over the next few years, it revealed itself to be a godsend. I made several great friends there. My crew. We've all laughed and cried together so much now.

2018 I would call the year of sitting up and looking around, trying to get my bearings. A lot of good things started to happen. We got the kids into school (4th grade and 7th grade) at decent schools, and they blossomed there. I started remembering how to be good at my job. I had a relationship with someone truly special. I started going out to shows and hanging out with friends more. I started laughing and smiling more. I still had plenty of shit days and weeks but at least I was functional.

I also engaged politically like I never have before - donating to multiple candidates, phone banking, canvassing. The 2018 congressional election brought me some relief. It didn't make up for our travesty of a president, but at least we could take back the house.

So here we are, approaching the second half of 2019. I'm still not totally sure what this year is shaping up to be like. But as the school year has just ended, I will say that I'm so damn proud of my kids for all the hard work they have put in - they both really kicked ass this year. And I'm proud of myself too, for helping them get here, and for finally taking care of my shit.

And now, because all this was too awkward and you probably didn't need all this, here are pictures of my amazing kids, who I love to the moon and back.

Aria, 7th grade (age 13), in front of one of the giant tanks at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Audrey, 4th grade (age 10), with her teacher, Kim.

And here are the two of them together, seeing CHVRCHES at the Greek Theater on April 19th - their first big show ever.

Another suburban family morning

A beautiful Saturday. 

We got to sleep in. Aria came and woke us up about 8:20. Usually, someone is up between 7 and 7:30. A little bleary because Audrey woke up at 3:50 for something or other - we never did find out what - but that's really unusual now. Most nights kids are asleep by 9 and they stay in their rooms all night. (And what a blessing that is.)

Hosanna was on fire. She went downstairs, put on some jazz, and made waffles. I've been eating (mostly) vegan since January, but I tossed that out the window as soon as I smelled the waffle smell. Waffle smell is hard to beat.

After breakfast, Hosanna went out for a bike ride with her mom. I started rounding up library books. We needed to take back the second half of the Bone series, as well as some Ivy + Bean. Aria worked on a board game she was inventing based on the Familiars books. She's just finishing up book 2 of that series. And she tore through all the Bone books and Ivy & Bean books in just a few days. She's pretty much graduated to chapter books now although she still likes to read comics and picture books for fun too. (She tells me to tell you that she still likes "About Owls".)

While Aria did her game, Audrey read some Archie comics they borrowed from their friends Siena and Shaenee. Audrey looooooooooooooves Archie. Her favorite character is Archie. Aria's favorite character is Veronica. I think it's funny that they call Jughead "Juggie" and his dog is named "Hot Dog." Audrey can read chapter books too. She's reading Toys Go Out right now. 

Speaking of Shaenee and Siena, we'll be seeing them later today. We're going to their house to pick up a Harry Potter costume for Aria. That's because we're going to a Harry Potter birthday party later today. (Say this 10 times fast: "Harry Potter Party." It's hard.) That's for some other friends at Aria's school - Grace, Ella and Rose, the triplets.

Somewhere in there we're going to stop by Uncle Adamen's bike shop so Hosanna can get her cables & housing replaced and we can buy a new pump. It's "May is Bike Month" and I plan on riding to work as often as possible this month. I started it off right, by getting a huge nail in my tire on the ride home from work yesterday. I learned an important lesson: CO2 cartridges are amazing. 

The kids don't particularly like going to the bike shop, but they do like bikes. Aria can ride her bike ("The Diamond") pretty fast now. She'll go way off ahead of us and then come back, as if to say What is Taking You So Long? When she rides off, her hair and her streamers fly in the wind behind her. There's a hill by the Sunrise foot bridge that is pretty steep, and if she stands up and really cranks it, she can make it up.  

Audrey is riding a bike too. Hers is called Amethyst and it's just right since we lowered the training wheels so it doesn't wobble as much. Hosanna braided the streamers on it so it looks like Amethyst has hair. Audrey thinks that's pretty cool. When she first started riding it, she would only stop by using her feet, but she's getting the hang of braking with the pedals now.

(Interjection #1: Aria and Audrey are proofreading what I'm writing. Audrey just caught that I misspelled "braking" as "baking." Earlier, Aria saw that I wrote "abike" instead of "a bike.")

(Interjection #2: I'm now typing this from practically sitting on the floor, because Aria pushed the seat adjuster dealio down all the way and my chair sank like 3/4 of a foot. It's an interesting perspective, being this short. "You totally took that by surprise, didn't you?" She says. Um, yes, it's pretty surprising when your chair suddenly sinks.)

And now my blogging time is up. Shower then go to the library then go to Shaenee and Siena's house and my phone is ringing crap crap crap. Ooooo, it's Aunt Lisa! Bye now.

5 and 8

Hello everyone. Long time no write. I thought I would give a birthday update since the girls just turned 5 and 8.

Audrey at 5

Audrey is starting Kindergarten this year, at home with Hosanna. She taught herself to read when she was 4 1/2 and has moved very quickly from basic picture books to more advanced reading. Tonight, she picked up The Longest Night - a book that we have read to her a few times, but not often, and that she has never read aloud herself before - and read it to me with little assistance.

In addition to reading, her favorite activities are pretending to be a superhero (Robin and Wonder Woman top her list), playing music (she's pretty good on both piano and drums, and took drum lessons with Alex Jenkins at Skip's Music for most of the year), rough housing, water play, Legos (Batman superheroes are her favorite), and making a big mess out of whatever is available.

I hope this is the last time I ever have to write about her sleep habits. She started sleeping through the night consistently somewhere around age 4 1/2. I am now resisting the powerful urge to write a long passionate essay about how much I love sleep, about how grand it is to have our nights back, etc, etc. Instead I will dial that back to a simple expression of deep gratitude for the gift of good sleep.

Audrey is a powerful force of nature and can throw a tantrum like no one else. Her screams could shatter glass. Hell, her screams could shatter a six foot thick concrete wall. I'm serious. She's got lungs. Sometimes she works herself into unresolvable conundrums and the only way out she can find is a full bore meltdown. I tell you what: they are tough to watch, tough to go through with her - but god damn I love that kid, and in a way, every huge meltdown just makes me respect her more. She is truly a force to be reckoned with.

Audrey's got a love-hate relationship with clothes. She loves (LOVES!!!) to play dress up. She hates (HATES!) to put on the clothes you are asking her to put on. She can get naked faster than a nuclear super collider can smash atoms. She's got issues with my repeated requests (some might call it cajoling) to not run around naked in front of our house.

Aria at 8

Aria is now in 2nd grade, and doing her schooling through a combination of home school with Hosanna (two days a week) and private instruction at the Wonder Tree Homeschool Collective (three days a week). Wonder Tree is the brain child of a group of parents who pooled their resources and hired an instructor, an absolutely wonderful woman named Leslie Olaya (whom we ADORE!!!), for their home schooled kids. At Wonder Tree, Aria is learning core subjects like reading, writing, math, and science, plus Spanish (Leslie is bilingual). They also do intensive units on special subjects. For example, right now they are studying "change makers" - kids who are doing amazing things in the world. The curriculum for Wonder Tree is a joint effort between the parents and Leslie. I'm really impressed with it.

Aria likes most subjects in school. She's pretty well-rounded, doing well at reading, writing, math, science, music, and art. She gets excited by lots of things.

When Aria's not in school, she gets a lot of free play time to express herself, which she often does through art, music, dancing, and reading (she loves comics like Garfield, Superman, and Calvin & Hobbes).  Oh yes, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that she loves (LOVES) video games, in particular Pudding Monsters and Papa Pear Saga. She also likes to ride her bike, but really only in certain situations. She won't get it out and ride around the neighborhood, but when we were camping up at Wright's Lake last month, she rode it around the campground almost non-stop for three days.

Aria also loves Legos and still does a lot of pretend play. She shares the whole disdain-for-clothing thing with her sister. She's bored by baseball on the radio, but will consent to go to a game, especially if we're playing the Tigers (she likes the name, but the A's are still her favorite team - right honey!?!??!). I love her infinity * one hundred million googols * the universe. She's amazing.

Sisters

I am not sure if these two are best friends or mortal enemies. I guess they are both. One minute they are playing happily, running around the house, screaming with joy, making huge messes (!), squirting each other with water in the back yard, jumping on the couch. The next minute, they are screaming at each other with unmatched vituperative hatred. Or Audrey is crying at the top of her lungs and Aria has run into their bedroom and locked the door. Or Aria is crying at the top of HER lungs and Audrey is walking away with a hot smug look. Seriously, it's like Real World meets Jersey Shore meets Romper Room meets a Prozac commercial.

Did you know they play in a band together? They call it Magenta. They wrote a song (with a little help from Mom & Dad). Audrey sings and Aria plays the drums. They also do a cover of a Coldplay song ("In My Place") on which Audrey plays the drums and Aria sings. The parents provide accompaniment in the form of bass and piano. It's pretty fun.

Sometimes they are both pretending to be animals. Often, Aria is a kitty cat, or a saber tooth, or a dinosaur of some stripe. Audrey prefers to be a cat, sometimes a dog, sometimes something more vicious.

Another thing they love to do together is watch YouTube videos of Just Dance (a Wii game) and learn how to do all the dance moves. They spent a long time this summer learning Gangham Style, Da Funk, Never Gonna Give You Up, Papa Americano, and others I can't remember.

Halfway point

The girls had a checkup with their pediatrician yesterday. All systems are go. They are healthy in every way. Both are blessed with perfect hearing and perfect vision. They are both in the upper two thirds range on height for their age and in the lower third range for weight. Doc says their weight and height gain are both normal and on a good trajectory. He predicts that Audrey will grow to be about 5'5" when she hits full height. (For some reason, he didn't make a prediction for Aria.)

So they are 4 1/2 and 7 1/2 now. Time really flies.

We enrolled Aria in a "home school collective" three days a week. This is a group of parents who were home schooling but decided they wanted more of the benefits of a group learning experience. So they pooled their resources and hired a teacher. Her teacher, Miss Leslie, is amazing. She's bilingual, so Aria is learning Spanish in addition to all the basics a 2nd grader should learn. Plus, they are doing lots of drama, field trips, and role playing. After just a couple weeks, Leslie said she could readily see that Aria's academic strengths are reading, art, and science. And she noted that Aria needs a little prodding in math and to participate in group activities. We figure those will come in time. In addition, she is continuing drum lessons - she can play beats with excellent time and is getting pretty good at reading notation - and she still likes to sing and play piano.

Audrey, meanwhile, is getting ready to be enrolled in Kindergarten in the fall. She is learning how to read already, plus she is getting pretty good on the drums and piano. She sometimes picks up the violin, too, but I think she finds it a bit frustrating at this stage. She's become obsessed with Robin (of Batman & Robin) - she wears a Robin costume almost constantly. She's trying to convince us to let her cut her hair like his. Actually, like Lego Robin. I don't think that's going to happen.

Bike riding & Pancake cutting

Yesterday was a big day of firsts for the kids: Aria learned how to ride a bike with no training wheels (!!!!!), and Audrey learned how to cut her own pancakes with a fork. *sniff* They're all growns up.

The bike riding happened up at Folsom Lake. We parked at Beals Point, which was relatively deserted - note to self: mid-morning on a Sunday is the prime time to go to the lake. We brought the little trainer bike, the tricycle, and Aria's real bike. The girls were switching off on the little bike and tricycle for a while, going around in a circle on the bike path around our picnic table.

After about 45 minutes of that, Aria very nonchalantly took her real bike, casually said "I'm going to try this bike now," and walked it to the bike path. She got on, pushed for a while with her feet, and then just started pedaling. She made the whole loop with barely any swerving. That's how Aria does things. She waits and waits and waits until she's good and ready, then she just does them, right, on the first try. Hosanna and I were both watching, and we swelled up with pride, and got choked up.

Meanwhile, Audrey surprised me when I went to cut her pancakes in the morning by saying "I can do it." She grabbed the fork and just started cutting away - like she's been able to do it the whole time and was just humoring me.

I love those girls so, so, sooooo much. Like they started saying the other day, for what reason I'm not sure: "You know how much I love you? A hundred thousand thousand Rubbers." (Rubber our cat, obviously.)

Drum lessons

Aria had her first drum lesson today with Alex at Skip's music. She liked him a lot. She says he's very nice. He taught her the right place to hold the stick and how to let the stick bounce loosely on the drum ("maximum rebound").